i'm back...

hai! my dear lovely blog...i'm finally come back to u...
erm...it's been lot of things happen these days....frm b4 spm until nw...many things about me o about my frenz did changed...sum changed frm bad to gud...n of coz sum changed frm gud to bad...well..it is d rule of life...i'm nt being emo...bt i juz think life is always lik tat...no1 will always in a luckly day...n no1 will always gt bad luck...
in tis moment ....sum people will say : " i juz depend on d ways u look at d situation...we muz 知足常乐..."
i din dinite bout tat ...bt as a human being ...we all gt sum emosion....maybe when lot of bad things happen to us...we will start to think.." d god nt fair la...y she gt tat tat tat...y i din gt"...o "y she always better than me..." i think all of us gt tat thinking b4...(don dinite u din't )
well...it is normal....( to think la..) bt most important thing is wad will u do o act after u think tat...
problem occur again....sum maybe will work hard n hard after tat...bt sum will be sad n sad....
again ...it is normal d lo....
we can onli made a conclution tat those who choose to solve d problem...gt higher eq...o u can say he/she gt "Ah Q" spirit...bt it does nt mean tat those who choose to hide for problem is wrong...they juz nid sumtime ...sumtime to let them figure out d reason of those changes...
as long as it don take too long time den it is ok...

i say all these crap bcoz i did been though it within these period...n these crap is wad i hav figure out...
all human are same....we all gt feelings...we all will gt hurt...
bt at d same time ...
human is diffrent...coz we gt our own way of thinking...we gt our own things to work out...
as a conclution...human are not made to be competing among each other...coz we gt our own advantage n disadvantage...
ps: life ad not easy to fit in...won u guy tired if still nid to compare among each other? i did tried rite nw...i juz wanna be d one i wan to be...be my ownself...

beside ...i had gt to knw wit many gud frenz in tis period...eg : alvin d biscuit la...
den i onli find tat b4 tat they ad there 4 me when i nid a listener...it juz i don dare to share wit them bout my pro b4....well...nw won ad d la...i had learnt to express my feeling ...no hide it or even pretend to be ok...so...ur watch out la...i will go n kacau ur d lo...
donno did i said tat b4? appretiate to hav ur in my life...thankz frenz!!!

huhu...nw feeling better...

水

好想 跳进水里
想要 探讨当中
神秘的特质
享受身躯慢慢的
被水侵占
从脚跟 到膝盖 延升到腰部
体温渐渐流失 好像开始冷了
眼睛仿佛还想 再向更远的地方 眺望
脚也配合的 继续 往前走
或许脚 已冷得麻木了
再也感觉不到 脚跟与地面的互动

水
慢慢的覆盖我的心跳 占领我的脉搏
我屏住呼吸 忍痛看着视线被剥夺
但却不后悔 反而庆幸
身处在这片宁静
我找到了 世外桃源
曾怀疑水里的世界 会否过于冰冷无情
原来 相逢恨晚
我
爱上了这边寂静

海 不是寂寞无情的
它的滂湃 泛起的翩翩涟漪
是它否认的声音

湖泊 不是阴深恐怖的
它的平静 无声无息的面貌
是它不屑被误会 骄傲高尚的自我
是它无价的情操

若非要找出寂寞的代言人
它将会是浴缸里的水
因为它是被人类利用后
轻易被舍去 被迫无奈的
随排水道流走
寂寞地结束脉搏

haha

so so so funny ...hahahaha....laught till cant stop...bt can tell here wo...if nt will hurt someone d wo...i nt sad always la...all my post is sad bcoz i express my sadness on my blog onli...haha...
sorry ya....i did bring sadness to ur...bt dont worry...it won happen again d la...

giv me silent...please...

how ur think of a house tat olways full of noisy fighting o scolding sound???will ur cry?? will ur sad?? will ur run out from tat place?? i din all tat ady...eccept ran away from home la...i'm nt tat stupid ...
i used to cry quitely in my room...behine d door...quitely...nt dare to cry out ...juz can let d tear dropping n dropping ...cant control it...cant let they knw...cant tell anybody...juz sad alone...
slowly...
stop smilling...
stop talking...
tat time..really hope can even stop my life...i din do any big thing ...never suscess...bt i willing to stop nw...is too noisy...too distrubing... my capacity to hold stress o to accept sadness too low...it maybe juz a normal thing happen in other family oso ...or there are many many more people out there facing problem tat worst den me...bt juz let me to b a turtle...i gt no gust...i cant face it...i hate it...bcoz i'm scare of it...
i did still feel lik tat till nw...
bt d diffrent is...i won cry anymore...
maybe i did ady felt bored of it...
bt i'm sure nt bcoz he did change o d situation did change...
problem never gonna sloved...conflit will still happen...respect will never exsit ...
comunication can help bcoz we never on link...o he never listen to reason...
sympaties nt needed...coz it will juz cause more sadness...
feeling nw...nothing...bored sadness....din cry bt no happy...so i call tat feelingless...
bt i'm glad ...i'm not alone nw...

tiamero

love it so much!!!
love between yi tuo n kopi ice....unforgetable...beautiful until enough to be rmb for whole life...so much they been thought...so much problem they had face 2gather...
love between L n yi qi...so sweet n enjoyable...maybe is nt tat 'hong hong lei lei'...bt it juz simple n sweet...
n love between tiffany n chang jun...such a long love jurney...who say puppy love won last long...altough it is in movie ...bt i juz wan to believe it...
everyone will have their true love...it juz when...

hai yo!!!talk so much bcoz i am nt happy la...i'm sad again...why oways lik tat d...when thing happen so nice ...when i'm so happy...d bad thing muz happen d...feel so bad...so noisy!!!everytime lik tat...until i kind of bored ady...bt m heart seems nt gtting bored...it still feel pain...it feel lik crumped togather...cantracting...i such a looser...everytime i feel sad ...i juz knw how to express it in this blog...when it come to solve it...i juz knw scare...i wan to be strong...n stronger...so tat i can handle all these thing...where is d tough me???

about me...

accually ho...how ur guys think of me??? wad kind of person ur think of me....
lik chairman said i'm very shy....
meng yee said i'm a 开心果...
kiwi oways said i'm too 悲观 ...
for me...i think i'm a lonely person...(haha...learn from alvin)
i oways think tat i did lack of love...as a result....i slowly become a dependent person...
maybe bcoz when i being covered by love and caring...i feel more save...more calm...
accually when meng yee say i'm lik a 'kai xin guo'....i absolutely shot...i never think tat i'm a happy girl in front of others...at d begining ...i strongly denite it...n i said to myself...i'm really a gud actor...bt after a while...i reliese tat nt becoz i'm a gud actor...there is bcoz i really happy at school...i gt many frens there ...they never feel shame of me....they d 1 who oways comfort me ...when bad thing happen...

i appreciate ...so much...love u all!!!

and dont forgt t give ur opinion about me...so tat i can knw myself better...

成绩册。。。

today juz gt it...still dont no how to tell my father...scare...haiz...gt ready to be scold...
b4 tat...idid have a great day ....i hav my peace...i have caring frm my fren...i hav everything i hope ...(except gt great result in spm la...)tis day....should b a good day....

juz nw when open d msn...saw my fren quick massage...
she written tat his father ady said sorry to her...bt she said d feeling...when she been hurted will never dissapear...

after saw tat...automatically i think of my father...
we gt bad feeling too...bt he never say sorry...to me o to any of us...i swear i din lie...it really nt my false...it nt my problem...atleast nt all of it...i will never say sorry...i did still talk to him juz bcoz he still my mother's husband...i knw i'm rude...bt i do feel hurt...until nw...

he will never try to consider...about anything....n he always think tat he is d only 1 tat did thing correctly in tis world...sometime i do wondering...

wondering accually wad juz happen to him...he is nt d father i knw b4...i will never 4gt tat when i was a child...i mean b4 10 years old ...i really love my family...i really miss my strict bt caring father...he juz knw my feeling...bt tis person nw...is a evil!!! he make my happy family gone...he make us cry n cry n cry ....he juz bring us tear...i hate him nw...when he arround....we all will stop laughing...we will feel distured of his unconsider thinking way...i 'm sorry 4 saying o tis....i'm so sorry....

shi bai be tzu nei...

30名。。。。又是这个名次。。。都不懂怎样跟爸爸讲。。。除了失败。。。我都不懂还可以说什么。。。虽然说好要调整心情重新努力。。。但失败的感觉还是需要一些时间去消化。。。去忘记的吧??人之常情嘛。。。我有偷偷的努力啦。。。不过进度很慢。。。我会努力加快脚步的！！嗨。。。希望咯。。。所以。。。我现在的程度。。。大概是刚上中4的程度吧。。。希望来得及咯。。。spm请务必要等等我。。。我会尽力的。。。每天努力多一点点。。。我就不信又失败收场！！！

最近。。。我突然很想瘦精精的感觉。。。不先后开口解释然后又被骂。。。不想再为失败找借口。。。因为。。。每天的天。。。耳朵旁都已经够吵了。。。我不反驳。。。我知道我也没差他多少。。。他失败的话。。。。我也一样。。。有时候还真的很想哭。。。想哭的时候。。。又不想被发现到。。。因为不想被同情。。。被取笑。。。就只想静静的。。。

未来。。。我不晓得会怎样。。。现在我也无能为力。。。。

speachless...

成绩全部都拿完了。。。烂到不懂还可以说些什么。。。可能我读书的方式又错了吧。。。又或者人蠢真的没药医吧。。。心里面的感觉。。。很奇怪。。。好像快不能呼吸了。。。心藏好像一直在收紧。。。越来越紧。。。很痛。。。很辛苦。。。可是什么也做不了。。。甚至让我又有了不好的念头。。。每个人不停地问我是不是付出了很多的努力。。。这些其实重要吗？

这两年的成绩。。。差到我无法形容。。。一次又一次的失败。。。让我越来越没有信心。。。渐渐的。。。越来越讨厌读书。。。

一些人的不体谅。。。一些人的无理取闹。。。一些人的冷言冷语。。。一些人的看不起自己。。。让我死心了。。。你可以说这些都是借口。。。但你不可以否决它们对我造成的伤害。。。

对于一些人来说。。。这些更可以变成将来成功的原动力。。。我承认我是一个弱者。。。面对太多的这些。。。我真的很害怕。。。很难过。。。我只会退缩。。。会放弃。。。虽然这也不是我想的。。。

你可以歧视我。。。看不起我。。。但请不要以指责的态度。。和不信任的口吻。。。一味只会叫我想其他人一样。。。勇敢去面对问题。。。不要退缩。。。再接再厉等的话。。。

我也有尝试过的。。。并不止一次。。。当失败了很多次的时候。。。我真的没有勇气再跌倒了。。。跌倒并不可怕。。。可怕的是跌倒的时候。。。旁人的取笑。。。彻底地抹杀了过程中。。。我所付出的努力。。。曾经付出的全部努力。。。一点一滴的抹煞掉了。。。人性的其中一得特质是：永远只看重结果。。。一个人是否成功。。。外人只在乎于最后那个人是否成功。。。是否优秀。。。还有谁会在乎失败的那个是否也付出了一样的努力呢？失败的人永远只会跟没有努力的人化成等号。。。这些原已流传的不变定律。。。有这样能被打破呢？？？

49day left…

我常常覺得自己很孤独。原因可能也因为 我也不是個很容易讓人親近的人。我知道我的想法是错的。。。但我就是害怕承认。。。我是一个自怨自艾。。逃避问题。。。懒惰。。。不负责任。。。无药可治 的。。。一个超级无敌失败的人。。。无所谓的孤独只是我给自己的借口。。。使我为自己失败的人生。。画上的美丽外衣。。。我承认我错了。。。

这次。。。我不想再这样了。。。不想再输了。。。失败的感觉多了。。。并不会让人麻木。。。只会让人更找不到自己。。。因为失败感造就了自卑感。。。厚厚的自卑感低下的人。。。只会否决自己。。。放弃自己。。。

49天。。。我不晓得是否足够让我成功。。。但就这一次。。。我想好好努力。。。也希望能为这最后一次的中学考试。。。认真一次。。。勇敢一次。。。

以我的梦想为动力。。。盼望会有成功的那一天。。。让我承认我自己的存在。。。

upset…

took d sj result…juz 47…upset 4 sure…undinitable…

after used about 1 month 2 study it….result shown tat…i’m brainless…level equal to an idiot….all can i say is juz work harder 4 spm… bt will this kind of result happen again ???unaspectable…i always say life is too difficult to me…but d truth is everyone oso suffer frm their own live …challange facing by all humans are same ..it juz how their going to face it and think about it..

this is juz part of it…there r difference kind of human..human who fight 4 better life and human who choose to admit to their unsuccessful…they wiling to fail lik i do ….i won cry…won let people to feel sympaties about me…won let myself to be shame of myself …and …my feeling now is calm …peace …lik feeling nothing …i wish i get sick now …gt a cold better …coz when i cant hold my tear…it may help me to hide frm others…

孤独

再美丽的烟花

如果只有一个人看

就算再美 再灿烂

也一样看不上眼

人 可以独居生活

但 必先确定自己经得起孤单的考验

本来以为这些所谓的考验，对我而言，并没什么大不了。。。至到刚才，屋外有人燃放烟花，他们都很开心的 一起的出去看。。。笑的很开心。。。只有我。。。依然在客厅。。。坐着。。。没人发现。。。或许是不小心没注意到吧。。。但。。。我的心情。。。出奇的难 受。。。难道我后悔了吗？？我好像是这个家的租客。。。我没做错。。。难道要我认错吗？？？怎么到后来。。。。错的反而是我？！我不想这样。。。也不想认 错。。。我该怎么办呢？？？我不敢告诉任何人。。。。相信也没人会相信我的。。。就让我继续沉醉 沉淀在这片寂静的空间里。。。不敢再奢望

it juz too much wan to share…

再美丽的烟花

如果只有自己一个人看就算再美丽再灿烂

也一样看不上眼

眼看他们很开心的一起看烟hua

it been a week….i juz like a stranger in tis house…i really donno how to solve it…is not my false and i dont wan to appolozie …but i’m scared…scared to be alone…scared to be invisible….i cant tell anyone…and i think no one will believe me…wad should i do now??

i hate myself

i hate myself!!!so much…and hate god…

juz tell me …if everyone in this world have atleast one subject it good on…juz tell me mine…i’m nt pretty at all…fat…nt rich n even nt smart enought…is it a litte bit unfair for me…and dont tell me that i have a gud family…it been 5 day i din talk to my unconsider father…this time i’m sure not my false…everyone including my mum said that….

i juz ady tired…some time…i wish i can break free…or i juz stop moving on…

still wondering…

did i really lik you or i juz hate to lose…still cant forget the way u smile…so attractive…but i know we cant be togather…because u already got her…a girl better than me…so much…until …i feel shame of myself…

you guy really gud to be togather…i wish ur happy forever…

i will still miss you…until the day i tired….